


I Loved You Completely. You Loved Me the Same. That's All. The Rest is Confetti.

by KryptonianConstellation



Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: F/F, Feels... Just lots of feels, Flashbacks because you're all probably used to them, Foster Care, Healthy Relationships, I'm too in love with Damie, I'm writing this instead of studying..., I've never been to Europe so sorry if Jamie's dialect is off I'm trying, Just Dani and Jamie being cute, Probably lots of gay yearning and panic, Some homophobia cause it's 1990s, Yes... I used that quote fight me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:42:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27807754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KryptonianConstellation/pseuds/KryptonianConstellation
Summary: “Do you have any music?”Jamie smirked at her. “Is that really a question Poppins?”“I- just trying to make conversation.”“Well, do ya know Blondie?”Dani felt like that name should be familiar. Like she’d seen- “Isn’t that the girl on that shirt you always wear?”“Of course you remember that,” she teased.Dani blushed as flickers of that night flashed through her mind and Jamie laughed.“Do you have The Beatles?”“You trying to impress me by listing one of the most popular British bands?”“I- I already feel bad that I don’t know Blondie.”“Blondie’s an American rock band, Dani.”“Oh.”Jamie just smiled as the embarrassed look on Dani’s face. “I’ve got a lot to teach ya, don’t I?”OrThe journey of Dani and Jamie learning how to love each other completely, after the events at Bly. Along with their past confetti moments that shaped them.
Relationships: Dani Clayton/Jamie
Comments: 8
Kudos: 60





	1. Home is not a Place, It's a Person

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, so I took a bit of a break from writing fanfic cause I look a creative writing class this semester. Since that's all done now, and Bly Manor was a thing I watched (and fell in love with because Dani and Jamie are just too cute), here we are with this chaotic emotional fic.  
> I'm going to be delving into Jamie and Dani's pasts while filling in the moments we didn't get to see in their very cute gay montage from episode 9.  
> Hope you enjoy!

“You alright, Poppins?”

Dani nodded. 

Jamie started the car and began to drive. 

Dani looked into the side mirror and saw the red-brown stone bricks, worn over years of time. Ones that seem to reach to the sky if you stood right at the entrance. Now, just a reflection in a mirror that shrunk bit by bit as they left it behind. Until Bly Manor looked like nothing but a doll house. Until there was nothing but trees and the dusty road behind them. 

For a moment, Dani feared that she wouldn’t be able to leave the property. That she’d be dragged back because of  _ her. _ No such thing happened. 

Jamie kept her earthy eyes, ones that seemed to be both green and blue at the same time, on the road. Her finger tapped against the wheel, the only other sound aside from the muted rumble of gravel below. Dani wondered if Jamie thought the same, that Dani wouldn’t be able to leave the manor.

If so, the idea was left unsaid. 

“Did you want to get some lunch? I only got leftovers at my flat, we could drop by the cafe?” Jamie asked. 

“Food sounds nice.” Dani looked forward, watched as the town of Bly unfolded before them. She breathed deeply, trying to relax. She smelled the faint scent of lilies and cigar smoke, the scents that often wrapped around Jamie. Dani’s shoulders loosened. 

“Do you have any music?”

Jamie smirked at her. “Is that really a question Poppins?” 

“I- just trying to make conversation.”

“Well, do ya know Blondie?”

Dani felt like that name should be familiar. Like she’d seen- “Isn’t that the girl on that shirt you always wear?”

“Of course you remember that,” she teased.

Dani blushed as flickers of that night flashed through her mind and Jamie laughed. 

“Do you have The Beatles?”

“You trying to impress me by listing one of the most popular British bands?”

“I- I already feel bad that I don’t know Blondie.”

“Blondie’s an American rock band, Dani.”

“Oh.” 

Jamie just smiled as the embarrassed look on Dani’s face. “I’ve got a lot to teach ya, don’t I?” With one hand on the wheel, the other grabbed something from the side door compartment. She handed it to Dani. 

It was a cassette tape that had ‘The Beatles’ scrawled on it. Dani smiled and put it into the player. 

*****

Jamie’s flat was both what Dani had expected and not. Plants were scattered around of course, but other than that the place felt… empty. Walls were bare, cried to be filled. The small living room area had some boxes of tools, nothing more, not even a couch. The quaint little dining table near the kitchen had just two chairs and an orchid at the center. 

“Something wrong, Poppins?” 

“Hmm?”

“You’re awfully quiet.” Jamie noted, since just moments ago at the cafe there was hardly a moment of silence between them.

“It just seems like your greenhouse at the manor is more your home than here.”

Jamie looked surprised by that observation. “I do spend a lot of my time there.”

“But isn’t it nice to come back to a place that feels like home at the end of the day?”

“I wouldn’t know. I’m gonna pack up my stuff, make yourself comfortable. I’m just in the room if ya need me.”

Dani nodded and sat at the dining table when Jamie disappeared behind the door of her room.  _ I wouldn’t know. _ Jamie’s words replayed in her head. Dani realized that she didn’t either. 

_ “I can’t wait till we get to make this our home Danielle.” _

_ Dani stared at the little house before them. It wasn’t much, but it was definitely more than enough for them. She should be grateful. Yet everything still felt so wrong. Dani pushed down the stirrings of that feeling down and grabbed Eddie’s hand.  _

_ “Me too,” she said. It wasn’t a lie- not by a long shot. Dani had counted down the days for this to happen. To finally move out.  _

_ Dani was so tired of watching her mom wilt away. She’d seen it her entire life, in fact it was all that she remembered of her mom. The flame in those blue eyes Dani had gotten, became smaller and smaller until it was only the reflection of the woman her mom had once been.  _

_ She just couldn’t stand to see it everyday for much longer. But Dani didn’t have the money to move out on her own, definitely not with the help of her mom. So she took the only chance she was given. A home with Eddie. Her best friend. Her best friend who was in love with her. Who she couldn’t love back…  _

_ Dani tried. She tried to understand when her friends talked about their boyfriends, the way they talked about them. How excited they were. The way their eyes lit up. But Dani could only copy, imitate their actions enough to convince everyone that it was how she felt.  _

_ That’s what Dani did, as she hoped one day, she would understand. Maybe this was it. Maybe moving in with Eddie would help her understand. She wouldn’t have to trudge home to an empty person, but to someone she loved. Could love in the way everyone spoke about love. To come back from work at the end of a day to a place that was home.  _

_ “Miss Clayton?” _

_ Dani looked up from her desk to see one of her students who stood on the other side.  _

_ “Yes, Anne?” _

_ “Can people stop being in love?” _

_ Dani tried to come up with a response, but it was hard to. “Is everything alright Anne? At home?” _

_ Anne shook her head, and Dani saw the tears of the young 10 year old. Dani immediately stood up and brought Anne to the couch that was often used for story time. Dani sat with her, held her until Anne calmed down.  _

_ “They’re always fighting. Shouting, i- it gets so loud sometimes.” _

_ “I’m sorry you have to go through that. Sometimes, after a while it’s- it can be hard to stay in love.” _

_ “Is it going to be like this forever?” _

_ “Well, forever is a long time. So no, I don’t think it will be like that forever. But, I can’t promise it will all get better. That depends on your parents. But if you need anything, Anne, you can ask me.” _

_ “I don’t want to go home. Not yet.” _

_ “So where would you like to go?” _

_ Dani took Anne for donuts and then watched her play on the playground. She watched the girl who wanted to escape her home until 5 in the evening. Dani’s heart ached when she saw the fear in the little girl’s eyes when her mother opened the door and ushered a ‘thank you’ to Dani while she took the girl into the house. Dani stood there for a moment, as she realized, she too didn’t want to go home.  _

_ She unlocked the crisp cold lock and entered the house. When she closed the door, she looked around. A few boxes were still yet to be unpacked, but Dani could see her favourite throw blanket on the couch. Her polaroid camera and CDs of Sheryl Crow and Cindy Lauper. Pictures of her. A bookshelf that was stuffed with all her books. Her things that left imprints of her presence. It almost felt like home. _

_ “Hey Danielle, where have you been?” Eddie asked as he came into the living space.  _

_ Almost.  _

Dani gently creaked the door open. Jamie was immediately aware of her presence and looked up. She was folding up her clothes into a duffle bag. 

“Everything good?” Jamie asked. 

“Are you sure about this Jamie? I- I know you said that you liked the way your life is. Liked it nice and boring. It- it seems like nothing that happens with me is nice and boring, more like a disaster. I don’t want to take you away from that.”

“Dani…”

“I’ll be fine on my own. I- nevermind.”

Jamie walked up to her, slipped her hand into hers. “Tell me.”

“If you- come with me… I- I just don’t want to hurt you. Because of her. Or because of me.” 

Jamie lifted Dani’s chin, so that they were now looking at each other. Jamie looked at her no different, even if the only evidence of what happened at Bly manor was written into her eyes. “You’re right. I do like nice and borin’. But I didn’t show you that moonflower for nothin’. When you find something- someone worth it, Dani, you put your all into it. A flower doesn’t bloom if you give it water but no sun. I don’t care about all the ‘what-ifs’, I want to give you my all and see where it goes. So, yes, I’m sure.” 

“You really want to go to America?”

“As long as it’s with you, Poppins.”

“Can we go to New York?”

“We have the world at our feet, darlin’, we can go wherever.”

Dani helped Jamie pack up the rest of her stuff and they headed into the car. Jamie opened the car door as she waved to a friend from the pub below her flat, she shuffled into the driver’s seat. When Jamie looked at Dani, with a smile that lit up her eyes, Dani knew. She had been looking for a home in a house. A physical place, but when you left it was only worn walls and stained floors of memories. 

No, a home didn’t depend on a place. Home was who you were with. Home was a person. More than anything, Dani saw in Jamie, a home. 

Dani knew that Jamie was going to be her home. 


	2. Lost and Alone, Was a Thing of the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dani and Jamie stay in London for a day before heading to America. Jamie's past catches up with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a bit stressed about finals, which means I end up distracting myself with writing. So here's this long chapter.  
> Just a heads up that there's some homophobia. Personally I don't like including that in my stories, but the last thing I wanted to do was sugar coat Jamie's past. It does end on a much lighter note, though. I hope you enjoy!

They reached London soon after; decided to settle for a night before they took their flight to America. America. 

Jamie never thought she’d ever go there. She quite fancied Europe, despite all the bruises and scars it had given her. Then again, Jamie doubted America would be all that different for a girl like her. A girl who didn’t quite fit. America seemed to have a stronger set of ideals than Britain. Or ones that were constantly fed to young gremlins who hadn’t even the chance to figure out who they are. 

It would be nice, though. To go from place to place, see all that everyone spoke about. All that really mattered to Jamie though, was the woman who stood next to her. Dani was eyeing a denim jacket in the shop that they had gone into. They had been wandering around central London for the day, before they left and wouldn’t return. 

Just as Jamie remembered, it smelled like smoke. Too many people bustled around as sounds of cars and chatter echoed around them. Jamie had gotten too used to Bly and its easy quiet. It was funny, she’d thought being back in London she would feel anxious knowing her past here. Instead, Jamie was fully enamoured by the sweet blonde that dragged her excitedly around the city. If this was how travelling with Dani would be, Jamie would take that over nice and boring any day. 

“What do you think?”

Jamie looked to Dani who had tried on the denim jacket. She couldn’t help but smile. Dani already had an array of denim jackets, this one wasn’t all too different. It was a deeper blue, almost a quilt like pattern on it, and was a bit longer on her than the others. But Dani had that eager look on her face as she awaited Jamie’s answer. 

“Beautiful. Hand it over here, Poppins. Lemme see.”

Dani took it off and handed it to Jamie. Without hesitation she took the jacket over to the counter to pay. 

“Jamie, you don-” Dani started when she caught on to what Jamie was doing.

“I wanna. Just let me, if that’s alright?”

“I- Okay.”

Jamie bought her the jacket, and they headed out. Just as they did, Jamie’s shoulder accidentally bumped into someone. 

“Sorry,” Jamie said as she turned to the person she had run into. It was a woman with partially dyed platinum blonde hair and a cigar in her mouth. Jamie knew her. 

The woman tilted her head to the side as she looked at Jamie, like she was trying to figure out where she was from. 

“Jamie Taylor?” Shock in her voice was clear as day. 

“Carter, hey.” Jamie saw that the lines on Carter’s face had deepened over the years, she looked more mature. She wondered if the woman had changed her ways from when she had known her.

“You look good. Better than when I last saw you. That was a long time ago wasn’t it?”

Jamie wanted to say that of course she looked better, the last time she’d seen Carter was when she was getting handcuffed, a time where she never really cared for herself as she should’ve. 

“Who’s this cutie?” Carter asked.

“I’m Dani.” They shook hands, Carter’s eyes curiously wandered over Dani. Unease rose up Jamie’s spine. 

“I never pegged you for a blonde kinda girl, Jamie. Anyways, you gotta tell your brother to quit asking for you at the shop. He’s an insistent little bugger.”

“Denny? What could he possibly want?” Jamie had run into her older brother twice when she came to London. He was as much of a jerk as he was when they were children. But the guy had a decent job, had gloated, in fact when he saw Jamie working at the little convenience shop. The one Carter ran. He never cared for her like a brother should’ve either, so Jamie couldn’t think of anything he’d want from her.

“No, the other one. Thought the boy was lyin’ at first, since you never mentioned another of em. But you two look more alike than the other one.”

“Why was he looking for me?”

Carter shrugged. “Didn’t ask. He comes in every few months though. He’s sweet though, makes sure to buy something each time. Even if he’s just hoping to find you. He gave me his number if I ever ran into you, if you want it.”

Jamie paused for a moment. She hadn’t seen Mikey since they all got separated. He was just a boy, now he must be all grown up. She had done the best she could to not think of the boy she tried to care for when she came to London. 

“Jamie, you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Dani said. 

She was pulled out of her thoughts by Dani’s voice. “Um, sure. What’s his number?”

Carter pulled out a piece of paper from her wallet and handed it to Jamie. Jamie took it gingerly. 

“Well, nice to see you again Jamie. Glad to see you’re doing well.”

“Yeah, you too.”

“Cheers,” Carter said. “And lovely to meet you American.” Carter waved to them. Dani waved back while Jamie was still staring at the paper in her hands. 

“That was unexpected,” Dani stated. 

“Yeah, no kidding.”

“So are you…”

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since he was a little boy. I have no idea why he’d want to find me.”

“He found the place you used to work?” Dani asked.

“My best guess is that he found Denny, who knew where I had worked. Do you think I should?” Jamie began walking when she realized they were blocking the sidewalk. Dani followed in tow. 

“It’s really up to you Jamie. But it is kinda the last chance to see him if you wanted to.”

Jamie stuffed the paper in her jean pocket and sighed. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I- I’ve tried to put my past behind me as much as possible. It was a shite childhood and I did things I ain’t proud of.”

“But despite it all, it led you to me.”

Jamie stared at the woman she was most definitely falling for. She wasn’t sure if she’d ever wanted the world to fuck off more than in this moment, because, god did she want to kiss Dani. 

Jamie chuckled. “It did, didn’t it?”

“Mhmm.”

They walked until they reached a bridge that overlooked the Thames river. Jamie leaned against the railing. 

“Mikey was the one who was least aware of everything. He was just seven. Didn’t know why his mum disappeared one day when he was just a toddler. Why dad was never home. He asked, by god did he ask. I could only smile and say ‘dad’s busy, needs money so we can stay here, so we can eat’. Even if at the end of the day it’d be microwaved pasta cause none of us knew how to fucking cook.”

“Sounds like you’re still worried about him.”

Jamie scoffed. “Yeah. I- I was constantly, when I went into the system. The things I went through… Didn’t want the same for him. So I worried. It just made me paranoid, wasn’t like I knew where he was taken. I couldn’t check on him. Eventually I made myself stop thinking about him, because it did me no good. I guess I never really dealt with that.”

Dani scanned the area around them, no one else was on the bridge. Just the cars that whizzed by and the sound of water that crashed against the boats below. Dani held Jamie’s hand. She didn’t say anything, in fact Dani didn’t need to. It was something Jamie never experienced with a person, but with Dani it was easy. The way that words or understanding would pass between them without either of them speaking. 

Dani shivered as a breeze of cold air passed them. 

“Why don’t we head back to the motel? I think I’ll give Mikey a call.”

Dani nodded, Jamie wrapped her arms around Dani to try and combat the cold. They walked away, but before they reentered the streets of the city, Jamie looked back to the bridge. She saw a flicker of a memory. A younger self, who looked so small as she shivered in the cold. Lost and alone. 

_It was freezing. The air nipped at her through the thin layers she had on. Like birds that pecked away at seeds. She was shaking, tried to curl up tighter to feel just a bit warmer._

_“Jamie?”_

_Jamie slowly peaked up. She saw Carter, her hair a dyed green as of late. Cigar in hand as per usual. She offered it to Jamie, who took it._

_“Heard from Brandon that you got kicked out. Again.”_

_“I ke- keep telling ya, you ain’t paying me enough to live in London.”_

_“Money doesn’t grow on trees Jamie, dear. London’s probably one of the roughest too. Rich get everything. We get the scraps.”_

_“It ain’t fu-fucking fair.”_

_“Yet here we are.” There was a pause of silence, Jamie was still shivering. “I’ve got something that could help. It’d be enough for you to keep a small place.”_

_“What is it?”_

_“Heard you’re a good pickpocket.”_

_Against Jamie’s better judgement, she let Carter guide her around the city._

_“The rich won’t even notice these things are missing, they’ve got too much to keep track of,” Carter told her._

_Those were the words that Jamie held onto that night, she was desperate. She wouldn’t survive long if she was stuck out in the streets, especially with winter rolling around real soon._

_When Jamie held a place for almost a year, she’d convinced herself that it couldn’t be that bad. She had the bare minimum and that was all she needed, how she got it, she didn’t like to think about. As long as she could survive._

_Then came the night they were celebrating. Jamie wasn’t exactly sure why, it was as per usual, Carter gave her a target and Jamie carried the task out. Sometimes a few other people were involved, other times it was just Jamie. This time there were four of them; her, Carter, Brandon, and Matthew._

_Carter just told her that you have to treat yourself every once in a while. So they all ended up at a club. Jamie downed her drinks wanting to forget the night. They let her._

_Jamie didn’t remember much of what happened in the club. Other than the woman who she was bringing outside into the cold London air. Light, bubbly laughter echoed between them. Both loose from the booze and the cigar that Jamie nicked from Carter. Clearly enough so that they forgot that the world was harsher for people like them._

_Jamie kissed the girl, and pushed her against the wall of the club. The dull pounding of music could be felt through it._

_“What do we have here?”_

_The girl broke the kiss and looked behind them. Jamie nearly tripped over her own feet as she turned around._

_There were three men who seemed like they were about to enter the club through the back alley. Which meant they were either kicked out before or didn’t want to be seen for some reason._

_Jamie recognized one of them. Denny. The same Denny who happened to buy a pack of cigars at the convenience store she worked at several months ago. The Denny who saved his own arse when their family began to fall apart._

_“You two girls are just having some fun aren’t ya? How about some fun with a real man?” One of them Jamie didn’t know said. An all too privileged smirk on his face._

_“You two are pretty ones, wouldn’t want to waste that away,” the other said as he moved toward them._

_Jamie gulped. These men were far too big for Jamie to fight off, especially an uncoordinated Jamie._

_The blonde man who approached them grabbed the wrist of the redhead beside her. “Why don’t I grab you a drink, darling?”_

_“Get your hands off her,” Jamie said._

_“What’d you say dyke?”_

_“I said, get your grimey hands off her.”_

_Then Jamie felt a hot sting on her cheek and heard a gasp from the woman beside her. Her eyes watered as she realized the man slapped her. Her hands clenched into fists. A few feet away and her brother didn’t even try to protect her. So much for protective older siblings._

_Jamie said nothing more as the man dragged the redhead into the bar. There was nothing she could do. The woman didn’t hold up a fight either, she knew better._

_The other man snickered and headed in._

_Then it was just her and her brother alone in the alley._

_Jamie stared- glared at him. He said nothing up until his hand was on the doorknob, he looked to Jamie properly then. It was clear he grew up bitter, it was written all over his face._

_“Dad would be disappointed. You’re just like mom. Maybe worse.”_

_With that, Denny headed into the bar. That would be the last time Jamie saw him, which she’d later be grateful for._

_Jamie pushed herself off the wall and started walking. To where? Hopefully her small apartment. But with the tears that blurred her vision and the crisp night that worsened the pain on her cheeks, she just needed to get away._

_At some point that night, Jamie didn’t know when, she made it back. She grabbed ice from her fridge for her cheek and then just leaned back against the kitchen counter as she sunk to the floor. For the first time that she could remember Jamie let herself cry. She cried for the brother she had lost to the dark harsh world, for the brother she wasn’t even sure was still alive because it had been so long, for the moments she wanted to cry when those men who’d foster her let their eyes linger all over her, for the parents she never really got to know, for the people she’d stolen from, and she cried for the girl who would get pressured into things she didn’t want that night._

_Jamie cried until the sun melted away the night, and the vague illusion of sleep overcame her at some point. Then she woke, her body sore from falling asleep on the floor. She realized she was late to work._

_Soon Jamie would find that she wished she hadn’t gotten up that day. Hadn’t let her carelessness reign free. Because when she’d enter the store, her life would become nothing but stone walls and steel bars for the next few years._

_She saw the look on Carter’s face when Jamie entered, it was the same one that her brother had when he insisted to his friends at school, that the problem in the family was the women. Jamie wondered if he may have been right after all. If she wasn’t a problem she wouldn't have found herself in this mess in the first place._

_Carter got away with it. Brandon and Matthew too. Because only Jamie was stupid enough to have carried around with her the watch, even forgot about it because of the events that came after. With her, still in her jacket pocket was a watch that she didn’t know cost more than she ever had over the years combined._

_Jamie didn’t say anything as she heard the cold metal click around her wrists. The muted chatter of officers that surrounded her. What was the point? She had no evidence they were involved, Jamie was only ever told what to do, never given a list or any proof from any of em. It gave her a roof over her head and food in her stomach after all. She didn’t question anything else, maybe that’s why they kept her around. It was stupid of her to think that deep down, they may have actually cared about her rather than just wanted to used her. Jamie wondered for the first time how much of the cut she actually got from them._

_When Jamie found herself behind bars, she couldn’t blame them. Just herself. Because once more she had expected something from people who only ended up falling short._

_She was lost and alone in the world. Jamie wondered if that was how it would always be for her. Lost and alone._

Jamie shakily sucked in a breath as she dropped a few coins in the machine. She looked to the crumpled paper in her hand and dialed the number. In front of her was Dani, with a sweet smile that showed Jamie that she was there for her. 

The ring of the phone line sounded in Jamie’s ear. Jamie almost reached for Dani’s hand but stopped because they were still out in the hallway. Anyone could pass by. So Jamie shoved her hand in her pocket as she waited. 

_“Hello?”_ A voice said on the other side of the phone. Jamie frowned, it was a female voice. Had Carter lied? Given her a wrong number? Was she playing a joke on her?

“Uh, hi.”

_“Who’s this?”_

“I- uh I-I’m Jamie.” Gosh, Jamie wasn’t sure if she’d ever stuttered this much in her life. From the sly smirk on Dani’s face, she knew that too. “I’m looking for Mikey? Mikey Taylor?”

 _“Did you need something from him?”_ The woman quipped. A small flicker of hope sparked in Jamie, the woman knew him. 

“I’m his sister. I’ve been told that he’s been looking for me.”

 _“Oh. Just a second.”_

So once more Jamie waited. Dani’s eyes watched her curiously. Jamie just shrugged. 

_“Hello? J- Jamie?”_ A voice, fairly deep. Definitely deeper than expected, but of course the boy had gone through puberty. It wasn’t like Jamie was expecting the bright cheery voice she barely recalled, but it was still odd. 

“Hi, Mikey?”

_“Yeah. It’s me.”_

Jamie smiled. “Hi kiddo.” 

He chuckled. 

Jamie wondered if he remembered that nickname. That was the start of Jamie’s nicknaming habit. She often called Mikey ‘kiddo’ or ‘Mickey’. 

_“I’m glad I found you. Did…”_

“Yeah, I ran into Carter. Your lucky day I guess, she said you keep going to the store. I don’t mean to be rude, but… Why were you looking for me?” 

At this, Jamie sees Dani straighten up from leaning against the wall and stare at her with eyes that scolded her. Jamie tried to not chuckle at that. 

_“I- sorry if, uh I’m taking up your time. I just… My therapist told me to try and deal with my past. Maybe repair my past relationships. My girlfriend also said it might be good to try. So… I went to find you and Denny. I… well found Denny-”_

“Sorry about that. He’s a real jerk.”

Mikey laughed. _“I’m glad you think so too. I didn’t really want to think so because he’s my brother. Anyways, I got the place you last worked from him. But I guess I was too late. I don’t really know why I kept going. I- I just really wanted to hope that one day… you’d be there. You were the only good thing that I remember, Jamie. I really don’t remember much, except you always being there. I’d uh, like to see you if that’s alright? Maybe dinner sometime, you can meet my girlfriend. You kind of met her, but like, properly.”_

“I- I would really like that Mikey. But… I’m leaving.”

_“Leaving?”_

“I’ve got a flight to America in the mornin’.”

_“Oh. Uh what about tonight? Are you busy tonight?”_

Jamie was surprised by Mikey’s insistence. “Uh, yeah. Sure. I ain’t doing much.”

So Mikey suggested a restaurant and to meet at 7 and Jamie hung up the phone. 

“So?” Dani said. 

Jamie immediately hugged Dani. She didn’t care if anyone around them looked into it as anything more. Jamie just hugged her, tightly. 

Dani held her. 

“He- he said that… I was the only good thing he remembers.”

“Oh, Jamie.”

They stood there in each other’s arms for god knows how long, but Jamie was content. It was all they needed at the moment. Each other. Jamie found herself a little less lost and definitely not alone for once. 

*****

“Are you sure you want me to come?” 

“Yes, Dani. I want you there.”

“But what if...?”

“If you ain’t comfortable, if Mikey is not okay with it, then we can just leave. As long as I’ve got you I’m good.”

“Have you ever told anyone before?”

“That I’m gay?”

“Yeah.”

“Not really. There have been a few times I was caught.”

“Scandalous,” Dani teased.

“Not really when one time Denny was there.”

“Oh. Your older brother? Was he…” 

“Like I said, he ain’t worth my time. An absolute pain in the butt.”

“But you’re not worried about Mikey knowing?”

“You’ve got a lotta question Poppins. But no, only chance I got to show you off to family. I’ve gotta take it.” 

Dani blushed. “Okay.”

Soon both girls got dressed and reached the restaurant. 

“Ready?” Dani asked.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” 

They headed in. 

“Hi, uh, we’re with the reservation under Mikey?” Jamie said to the hostess. 

“Ah, right this way.” The hostess guided them through the maze of tables and chairs. The restaurant wasn’t too busy, it being a Monday evening after all. 

Jamie slowed as the hostess reached the table. She saw him. Little Mikey, all grown up. He smiled at her. Carter was right, he looked more like her than Denny did. They had the same smile. The same wild curly dark hair. 

Mikey stood up as Jamie reached the table. 

“You’re tall,” Jamie noted. 

Mikey chuckled. “Yeah. I am.” He opened his arms for a hug. Jamie accepted it. Years of life had passed, but here they were again in the same place. Brother and sister. 

Jamie wondered what bloke her mother brought in that was tall. She couldn’t remember, she doubted her mom even knew which was Mikey’s father.

“Jamie, this is my girlfriend, Piper,” Mikey said as he sat back down. 

She held her hand out and Jamie shook it. “Lovely to meet you,” Piper said. 

“You too. Uh…” Jamie looked behind her to Dani, who had patiently and quietly watched the reunion. “This is Dani. My girlfriend.”

Dani stepped next to her. 

“Hi Dani,” Mikey said. “You two should sit.”

So they did. Both girls were a bit surprised that no questions were asked. 

“Are you two heading to America together?” Piper asked, her brown eyes lit up.

“Yeah, we are,” Dani said. 

“Ah I see why now. You’re why aren’t ya?” Piper questioned, the last part aimed towards Dani. “Dang, Mikey you’re sister’s got good taste, pretty and American.” 

Dani blushed. Jamie watched, entertained by her brother’s girlfriend.

“Really Piper?” Mikey said. 

“See I told ya we should’ve gone to the place.”

“I- well I didn’t know,” Mikey argued back. 

“I knew, right when she spoke. You’re deaf Mikey, and now she’s brought her girlfriend with her. It would’ve been so much easier if we went _there_.”

“What did you expect? That I’d just ask my sister I hadn’t seen since I was a kid if she was queer like me?”

“Wait what?” Jamie asked when she heard what Mikey said last. 

Mikey turned to Jamie. “Oh, right, um… I...”

“Just get it over with Mikey, she literally has a girlfriend.”

“Shut up Piper.”

Piper scoffed. “You see how he treats me?”

“Okayyyy,” Mikey dropped a kiss on his girlfriend’s head. “I like men and women, basically.”

“And I like anyone, cause anyone’s beautiful, pansexuality I’ve heard it called. Which I don’t quite get cause what do pan’s got to do with it?”

Dani laughed.

“That’s great Mikey,” Jamie said. 

“You two? If you wanna share of course,” Piper said. 

“Definitely women,” Dani said. Jamie looked at her surprise how easily she said that when Dani couldn’t even say the word ‘gay’ at the motel. “What, you know how I felt about Eddie. So what about you Jamie?”

Jamie knew Dani asked, because while Jamie had only mentioned that she had ever been with women, clearly seeing Mikey and Piper, possibilities were endless. 

“Women, but I think Dani here is it for me.”

Dani blushed. 

“Awe, you two are so cute,” Piper quipped as she put up her smooth black hair into a bun. 

“So what was the place you should’ve taken us?” Jamie asked.

“It’s a place where queer people frequent,” Mikey said. “It’s where we met.”

“Yeah, and it still took you a year to ask me out.”

“A year?” Dani asked. 

“Mhmm, the boy wanted to explore his sexuality. Can’t blame him, but definitely was close to getting tired of hoping he’d come around.” 

“How long have you been together?” Jamie questioned.

“Five years, would’ve been six.”

“I know, I know. But we’re here now,” Mikey said. 

“Can’t argue with that. What about you two?” 

“Uh… like… a week?” Dani said, a bit unsure about sharing that they had only had that one night together just a few days ago. 

“That’s fast,” Mikey said surprised.

“Ah rumors are true, lesbians do move fast.”

“We’ve known each other about a month or so. A… a lot happened where we worked. Needed to eventually get away from it, so we decided that we were going to travel around America together. See where it takes us,” Jamie elaborated.

Soon they all ordered food. Conversation continues to flow. Jamie learned that her brother was a vet and his girlfriend a photographer but also worked at a cafe. Jamie teased that Piper should give Dani pointers. She found out that Mikey had gotten adopted by a nice family. Jamie mentioned that she had worked as a gardener at a manor. But neither she nor Dani lingered on the time at Bly, it was still a too fresh wound. Even if it was how they met. Dani told them of her teaching and of America. 

The night eventually carried away and it was time for them to part. 

“This was very nice, I’m glad we got to meet,” Dani said. 

“Feeling’s mutual,” Piper chimed in. 

The two moved a bit off to the side to let Jamie and Mikey say their goodbyes. 

“You two really have to go to America?” Mikey asked.

“It’s what I hope will be best for me and Dani.”

“Well, you have my number. Call me. Maybe me and Piper could visit wherever you two end up. Or you two could come here if you’re ever tired of America.”

“That sounds nice. I’ll call you. It was great to see you again Mikey.”

“You too Jamie. I did mean it when I said that you’re the only good thing I remember. You and your witty remarks at Denny. You packing my lunches even if it was just peanut butter and jelly. You doing yard work so you could get me new shoes. You telling me that it’d be okay, we’d take it one day at a time. It’s all I remember. I was the lucky one wasn’t I? Out of the three of us? I- I just want to say thank you Jamie. I never got to. So, thank you. Dani’s lucky to have you.”

Jamie, with tears in her eyes, hugged Mikey tightly. “Thanks Mikey. And I believe you’ve got it the other way around. I’m lucky to have Dani.” 

The couples eventually waved goodbye since Dani and Jamie had a flight to catch in the morning. 

“How are you feeling?” Dani asked.

“Happy. I’m glad we did that.”

“Me too.”

For once, Jamie was able to look back on her past. To know that while she struggled, at least the effort she had put in with Mikey had mattered. It was worth it, because it helped shape him to the wonderful man he was. 

Now she’d get to put in that effort with Dani. She’d get to see it flourish and bloom this time. Jamie couldn’t wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did y'all get where denim jacket is from?  
> Also, let me know if you liked Mikey and Piper, if so I can try to have them in another chapter too.  
> Thanks for reading, and stay safe!


	3. Welcome to America

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dani and Jamie head to Iowa, surely nothing can go wrong with that right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up a lot longer than I expected, but I hope y'all will enjoy that. Heads up for some homophobia, and of course feels. And Happy New Year!

Dani felt the constant dimmed vibration of the plane. Her eyes watched as the white puffy clouds shifted and disappeared from the window. Glimpses of the deep endless ocean could be seen. She listened to the calm hum of the plane, a stark contrast to the conversations of adults and children around them.

Then Dani noticed a stronger vibration, a movement next to her. She looked to her right and noticed that Jamie’s leg was shaking. Her eyes trailed up to Jamie’s face, who’s eyes skittered around the area. 

“Jamie?”

“Hmm?” Jamie’s eyes finally settled when they looked at her.

“Are you okay?”

“Uh, yeah. Just never been on a plane.”

Dani just nodded in understanding. She then reached under the armrest and found Jamie’s hand, while she looked over to the other aisle making sure no one noticed. She let her thumb rub softly against Jamie’s calloused hand. 

Jamie’s leg stopped moving.

“What do you not like about it? The plane,” Dani asked. 

“That’s a terrible topic, Poppins.”

Dani chuckled. “Just, indulge me.”

Jamie sighed. “Well… how’s this tin can supposed to carry us across the pond? Like… just by what, them engines? Seems unreliable to me.”

“It’s physics, Jamie.”

“Never needed any physics in my life.”

“That’s literally how you’re not floating into space.”

“We are flying right now Dani. Not that far from floatin’ into space.”

“Not how it works.” 

“Then, why don’t ya tell me, Poppins?”

So, Dani did. She did her best to explain the basic concepts of physics to the girl who apparently never paid attention in class. Who at the moment was also struggling to pay attention to what Dani was saying, all too caught up in the way Dani animatedly tried to teach her stuff. 

“Jamie, are you even paying attention?” Dani finally asked when she noticed Jamie’s line of sight linger on her lips far too many times within the past few minutes.

“Yeah, yeah. Keep going, Poppins. Somethin’ about the Newton fella, yeah?”

Dani couldn’t help but burst out laughing. 

“What?” Jamie said, as she looked around because she assumed people were staring. 

Which they were now, but Dani couldn’t help it. She got herself to calm down quickly. “How did you become a gardener if you never paid attention in science?”

“Hey! You take that back!”

“Were your teachers too pretty? Was that why you couldn’t focus?” 

Jamie grumbled and sunk down in her seat. 

“I’m just teasing, Jamie.”

“I know, but just for your information, ain’t none of them pretty as you.”

Dani smiled, but it slowly slipped into a smirk. “So you’re saying I’m not wrong?”

“Shut up.”

The two flowed back into easy conversation once Dani stopped teasing her girlfriend. Both were too caught up in the ebb and flow of it between the moments of rest and Jamie’s discovery of terrible airplane food. They didn’t even notice that they arrived until the grainy announcement echoed in the body of the plane. 

Dani watched as a look of surprise flowed onto Jamie’s face as she realized how much time passed and how she hadn’t thought about what was worrying her before, the whole time. That’s what Dani was going for.

When they felt the plane come to a stop, Jamie looked over at Dani, with a certain look in her eyes Dani was becoming familiar with. 

“Thank you, Dani.”

“Anytime.”

*****

There it was. The image of it felt familiar, known. The edges, structure that was once faded back in her memory became sharpened and heightened. Dani stood, frozen next to the open taxi door. She hadn’t moved since she saw the house. There was a reason she left, but when she did, Dani only found herself trapped once again. Another home, another person she didn’t want to come home to. 

“Dani?”

Dani looked over to Jamie who was grabbing their bags from the back of the taxi. 

“We don’t have to do this you know, we could just head off,” Jamie said. Her voice was sincere, ensuring that Dani didn’t push herself into anything she was uncomfortable with. 

Even though it was Dani’s idea, to head to Iowa where she had a car that was left untouched since she moved in with Eddie. Her mom didn’t know how to drive so it was once again wasting away in the empty garage, like it had when her dad passed away. 

Dani was excited for the trip, one that was going to be spontaneous and unexpected, like meeting Jamie was. To have the gardener along with her too. She imagined long endless roads of music and chatter, Jamie at the wheel and Dani getting to watch her. For as long as they may have. But in order for that to happen, she had to face her mom. 

_ Just one last visit. Couldn’t be all that bad, right? _ Dani convinced herself.

“Just don’t leave my side,” Dani told Jamie. 

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Poppins.”

Dani paid the driver and closed the door. The car left, only the street between her and everything she had run from. She looked to her right and saw the brunette struggling with all their bags. Dani grabbed a few to help and smiled at Jamie. Dani knew she’d be alright, no matter what happened. 

They crossed the street together and Dani drew in a breath when she reached the door. She knocked. Something that Dani actually found funny. So many years of being the one who was on the other side of the door, of being the host, of taking care of the house; and she was now the one knocking. As if she’d never even stepped foot in this house. 

When the door finally swung open, her eyes widened. She saw in front of her, Judy, who also had a look of surprise on her face. 

“Danielle? Oh my god, Danielle!” Judy hugged her, and Dani hugged her back. 

“J- Judy. I- it’s been a while,” was all Dani could really say. It shouldn’t have been a surprise that Judy was over, her and her mom were best friends after all. Just like her and Eddie had been. Yet, the thought hadn’t even crossed her mind. Only the nervousness of returning home to her mom, with Jamie. 

“Well of course it has my dear! With you having gone off to London without a word! I was surprised to hear from your mom that you had gone. You and Eddie never really left here, so for you to go so far… Oh, Karen! Did you know that Danielle was coming today?” Judy shouted the last part back into the house. When she turned back to Dani, she finally noticed the woman next to her. “And who might you be?”

“I’m Jamie.” Jamie held out her hand.

“Oh! You brought a friend from London!” Judy shook Jamie’s hand. “Come in you two. Would you like any drinks?” Judy wandered back into the house.

“Danielle?” Jamie whispered under her breath, a way that was both teasing and curious. A smirk adorned her lips.

“Don’t use it. It’s worse than Poppins.”

“Whatever floats your boat… Poppins.”

Dani rolled her eyes as they entered the house. Dani placed their bags next to the shoe rack and gestured for Jamie to do the same. Dani looked around to see that her childhood home more or less looked the same. A few things had changed over time of course, but the layout, the stained carpet, and faded wallpaper remained. The same old grainy TV twinged out the voices of Audrey Hepburn and Fred Astaire. That was one of the few things that Dani and her mom had in common, their love of Audrey Hepburn. The biggest thing that Dani noticed though was how the house smelled like… coffee, instead of alcohol. Dani couldn’t remember a time when the air hadn’t tasted of alcohol. It wasn’t even that the coffee masked the alcohol, Dani was all too familiar with it that she’d have known. 

“Dani…” Her mom now stood in front of her. Blonde hair was combed, lines on her face less sunken, her eyes… Her mother looked alive for once. For the first time and… Dani didn’t need her. 

“Mom,” Dani said and gave her a hug. 

“And this is Dani’s friend, Jamie, from London,” Judy said as she handed Dani and Jamie coffee. They both nodded their thanks. 

“Lovely to meet you Mrs. Clayton,” Jamie said. Dani watched as her mom and Jamie shook hands.

“So girls, have a seat, tell me about London,” Judy said as she sat on the rocking chair. Dani and Jamie sat on the couch as her mother sat on the single sofa.

“I heard it can get pretty cold and rainy there,” Dani’s mom said. 

“Yeah, pretty cranky weather,” Jamie supplied. 

“The fields are pretty though, especially in the countryside. The garden Jamie had was beautiful,” Dani said. 

“You garden?” Karen asked Jamie. 

Jamie nodded and Karen began to ask Jamie questions about gardening. Dani watched, the animated way that her mom moved. How she so easily conversed with Jamie. Her voice no longer slurred or annoyed. Her mom’s hands were even still, not fidgety or shaky like Dani had seen so many times when she didn’t have a drink in her hand. 

“So, meet any handsome men in London, Danielle?” Judy asked. 

Dani broke out of her quiet daze. “I- uh…”

“You know it’s alright if you have. Edmund would want you to be happy.”

Dani’s eyes flickered to Jamie, who had a tight lipped smile on her face, for a moment then returned to Judy. “No, I didn’t.”

“Really? Not even where you worked?”

Dani struggled to find what to say to Judy. She wanted to say that she had found Jamie. But that stir of anxiety began to swirl in her stomach. Would Judy be okay with it? What would she think? Dani’s mind was already occupied with comprehending her mom’s sober state. Nevertheless the thoughts that threatened to crash to the surface of  _ her _ , hidden inside but there. How she waited, watched. 

“There was Owen who was the cook, but the man was already whipped for the housekeeper Hannah,” Jamie spoke up. Jamie may have an excellent poker face, but Dani noted the brunette’s tense shoulders and the slightly pained way her voice wrapped around the name Hannah. 

_ Oh Jamie. _ Dani thought. She knew what the girl was doing. Creating a diversion, for her, even if the subject was sensitive for them both. Especially for Jamie.

“What about you dear?” Judy inquired. 

Jamie swiftly shook her head. “No men in my life.”

“Well that’s a shame, both of you are such beautiful young women. Just like we used to be, isn’t that right Karen?”

Her mom was about to answer, but then Dani stood up. “Uh, excuse me,” Dani said then left the living room. She walked through the house, walls and furniture that felt only as present as a memory. Eventually Dani reached her childhood room and leaned against the door. Her lungs ached, and Dani realized her breathing was uneven. Dani closed her eyes and breathed. She could smell the faded scent of rose perfume. 

“Dani?” A muted voice called out. It was Jamie. 

Dani opened her door to find Jamie looking around the hallway, unsure where her room was. Dani stepped aside as an offer for Jamie to come in, and she did. Dani swiftly closed it after Jamie was fully inside.

“We can go, if it’s too much.”

“It’s fine, I- I just need a minute.”

“You say that, but you’re in here shaking to bits.”

Dani sighed and went to sit on the rug, her back leaned against the foot of the small twin bed. 

“You don’t have to cover for me, Jamie.”

Jamie took a seat next to her. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Dani rolled her eyes. “Both you and me know it isn’t easy to talk about Hannah, or even Owen and what he’s lost. What we all lost. Last thing I want you to do is play it off like nothing happened.”

“Okay.”

Dani looked at Jamie, Dani could see it. She always could, the pain that was there deep within. It reflected Dani’s. In some ways it was different, but always understanding. 

“There’s something else,” Jamie said. Not a question, a statement. It often surprised Dani how well Jamie could read her; actually how well they could read each other and somehow know how to ease whatever raced in their minds. 

“My mom.”

“She seems nice.”

“That’s the thing.”

“You’re concerned over the fact she’s acting nice?”

“Yes.”

“Dani, wh-”

“She’s… she’s sober.”

A beat of silence. 

“Dani…”

Dani hadn’t talked to Jamie about how her mother was, there hadn’t been time. Too much too soon happened at Bly. 

“Since I was eight. When my dad died. That’s- that’s all she did, she drank. So it was like I had a mom, but at the same time didn’t. I needed her, Jamie, I was a kid who just lost her dad. I needed my mom there and she wasn’t. Not really. Now she’s- she…”

“She’s sober, the mom you needed then, but not now,” Jamie finished. 

Dani nodded, then leaned her head against the crook of Jamie’s neck. Jamie wrapped her arm around her. Jamie kissed the top of her head and Dani sighed. 

“Ho- how terrible is it, that I… I’m… mad I guess. Like… why now? Why’d she... I- I should be happy for her. I’m a terrible person.”

“Dani, love, you have a right to be feeling whatever you feel right now. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. I know that you are the furthest from it. You love so much, and you give so much. And you never ask for anything in return, because you care. Because you’re a good person. She should’ve been there for ya, but we can’t control what other people do or the choices they make. We’re all on our own path in life, figuring it out as we go. We just gotta get back to it when we get knocked down. And god, Dani, whether you know it or not, you get back up and come back stronger. I’ve seen it.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course.”

They sat there, an odd illusion. A place of her past she wanted to forget and a person who would be her now and more, however long the world would give them. 

“Lotta pink, Poppins.”

Dani chuckled. “Yeah.”

“So this was your room?”

“Mmhmm.”

“May I look?”

Dani lifted her head from Jamie’s shoulder and watched as Jamie looked around her room. 

“Quite a lot of awards.”

“Was in a lot of clubs.”

“Hmm, sounds about right.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well… Poppins, you just seem like the straight A, student president kinda girl.”

Dani averted her eyes as her cheeks heated up.

Jamie chuckled. “I’m right aren’t I?”

“Maybe.” Jamie was.

Jamie knelt in front of her. “We would’ve been opposites back then wouldn’t we?”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No. I’m just saying. Imagine the scandal though, the  _ it _ girl dating the trouble maker.”

“You’re such a gossip, but yeah it would be.” Dani’s mind wondered if she would’ve had the courage to have done that, against all the expectations. “I would’ve; dated you back then.”

“Really? Miss. ‘was gonna marry her high school sweetheart’?”

“Not easily, but would’ve been worth it at the end.”

Jamie smiled at her. Dani reached and wrapped her arms around Jamie’s neck. Their foreheads touched. 

“I’m really glad,” Dani said. 

“About what?”

“That I finally decided to do something, for myself. For what I wanted. It was messy and painful, but now… Now you’re here. With me. I’m glad for that.”

“Ever kiss a girl in this room, Poppins?”

“No,” Dani said breathless. They were so close and Dani just wanted Jamie to shut up so they could kiss. 

“Wanna?”

Dani didn’t answer, she just kissed Jamie. Sparks raced through her body, just like it did the first time. And the time after that. Dani wondered if this feeling would ever fade. She hoped not. 

The two girls were far too caught up in each other that they didn’t notice the door handle twist open. 

“Danielle-”

Dani and Jamie jerked away from each other as they saw Judy at the door, eyes wide in surprise. 

For the first time, Dani wished she’d asked Judy to have knocked as a kid. That she didn’t have so many fits which required Judy to burst in to comfort her. That she hadn’t grown used to Judy being a kind of mother to her. If so, maybe this wouldn’t have happened.

Judy didn’t move. 

“J-Judy… I- I jus-” Dani didn’t know what to say. 

Judy stepped back and turned around. Dani rushed to follow. 

“Judy,” Dani pleaded. 

Judy turned around, they were now in the living room. Dani’s mom wasn’t in sight and Jamie just came up next to Dani. 

Dani shook as she saw it. The disappointment in Judy’s face. As if she’d done something wrong. Dani knew deep down that she didn’t. That being with Jamie felt right, something she had buried from years of repression and confining to expectations. Other people’s expectations. Dani was done with that. 

Even so, it didn’t make this any easier. Dani had spent her entire childhood looking up to Judy. Searched for that look of approval or acknowledgement that she had done something right; since she knew she’d never get it from her mom. Her impulse was to deny, to fix that look, to say it was a mistake. But Dani held off, it was a habit ingrained in her from her past that she now knew only led to unhappiness. 

“Did Edmund know?”

Dani sucked in a breath. It came out shaky. “I- No. I tried, I tried to tell him. But I didn’t get the chance, not before…”

“God Danielle, you were with him for years! Made my son live through some facade? For what?!”

Dani scoffed. What she said next, driven only by the pain of all those years she had to endure. “What about me?! I lived through the facade, because I thought I’d eventually feel something. I convinced myself that, because I didn’t want to hurt him, or disappoint you. You and Eddie were all I really had, you were family to me and I couldn’t imagine losing that. So I pretended, I went with it. Eddie got the better part of it.” A wave of relief washed over Dani as she finally began to let the anger of the past out. 

“What’s going on here?” Karen walked into the living room. 

“Your daughter… she- Do you know what she is?” 

Dani’s fist clenched at the venom in those words. She felt a hand cover them, rub against them, it calmed her. She looked to Jamie, their hands now entwined. Dani turned back to her mom and Judy. “I’m gay, and I’m with Jamie. I- If neither of you are okay with that, we’re just going to leave then.” Dani surprised everyone in the room, even herself with the surety of her voice. 

“It’s wrong. It’s just... This kind of thing. You were such a perfect girl years ago, Danielle, you could sti-” Judy started.

“Judy.”

It shocked both Jamie and Dani to find that it was Karen who had spoken. 

“Please leave.”

“What? But Danielle needs to be set- she needs to get this idea out of her head-”

“I asked you to leave Judy. She’s my daughter.”

Judy scoffed. “Now you play the mother card? I believe you’re over twenty years too late.” But Judy said nothing after, just grabbed her purse and slammed the front door shut as she walked out. 

The sound jolted Dani, and without her permission tears graced her face. 

“Dani, hey, shh, it’s okay,” Jamie said as she took Dani into her arms. Dani held onto her tightly. Her body shook with cries, all Jamie could do was be there. “It’ll be okay.”

Jamie’s eyes caught Karen’s who nodded towards the couch. So awkwardly, Jamie shuffled them to the couch without letting go of Dani. For a good while, the only sound in the house was Dani’s sobs.

It was the sound of two cups being set down on the coffee table that made Dani’s head turn slightly from Jamie’s shoulder. She saw that her mom put two cups of tea there. A sad smile adorned her mom’s face. 

“Tea?” Jamie asked Dani. 

Dani felt the dryness of her throat and nodded. Jamie leaned over, both of them shifted slightly since Dani was cuddled up close to Jamie. The gardener brought the cup in front of Dani, who gingerly took it. 

As Dani drank the tea, she felt Jamie’s thumb rub against her back. Dani’s shoulders eased and she closed her eyes absorbing the comfort. After a moment, she looked back to her mom. Karen hadn’t spoken since she kicked Judy out. It was the quietest she’d seen her mother other than when she was too drunk to function. 

“M- Mom?” Such a simple word, carried so much. It carried the question that Dani was too tired to ask. 

“I don’t believe I have much right to say anything about it.”

Dani’s eyebrows creased.

“I may be your mother Dani, but I’ve never really acted like one did I?” 

“Y- you kicked Judy out.”

“I did. You’ve endured so much, in fact far too much than you should have. I’m sorry. I know I should’ve done something, and that I didn’t, it’s the biggest regret of my life. I was too consumed by the loss of my husband that I forgot I still had a daughter. And I know that’s no excuse, it’s just what happened. You don’t have to forgive me, I get that. But I wasn’t going to watch you go through it again, not when for once I was in the right state.”

“Again?”

“I saw, I saw it all Dani. When your friendship with Edmund turned into your trap. When you looked more captivated by a girl than with him. When you’d exhaust yourself with clubs and schoolwork. And… each time you shut down when you came home to see me drunk. I watched like I forgot I was living a life, not watching a movie. But you enjoyed the dinners with them, the motherly affection from Judy, having someone to lean on in Edmund. What did I have to offer? Plus, Judy had always wanted a daughter. I convinced myself that she’d take care of you better than I ever would.  I- I… never exactly wanted kids; but I was given you, a miracle, and I wasted it. I’m sorry Dani. I should’ve done better by you.” 

Dani took in the words her mom said. “H- how long have you been sober?”

“9 months. I go to a therapy group too. It’s been hard at first, but now I just know I should’ve done this much sooner.”

“That’s- that’s great for you mom.”

“Dani, keep doing what makes you happy okay? No matter what others say. It’s what you deserve.”

“Thank you. I- I’m definitely going to keep doing that.”

“Jamie?” Karen said to the brunette who had become quiet as the mother and daughter conversed.

“Yeah?”

“Take care of her.”

“I will.”

“Good. Now, you girls are welcome to stay if you need. Now or any other time.”

“Well, we- we were hoping to take the car. Me and Jamie were planning to just travel, see where the road takes us.”

“Of course, I still haven’t figured out how to use that darn thing anyways. Might want to get Mr. Dean to check it out at the shop since its been untouched for so long. Probably tomorrow? You girls should get some rest after today.”

“I reckon that’s a good idea,” Jamie said. 

“You girls can take the guest room, it’s got a bigger bed.”

So they did, they stayed. Dani took a nap, exhausted from the trip, events, and the fact that she was jet lagged. At one point Jamie brought up food for them, soup her mom apparently made. Jamie joined her for sleep after that. 

When Dani woke up, Jamie was still sound asleep, both of them tangled up in each other. Dani just watched Jamie sleep for a while, the soft rise and fall of the brunette’s chest. The fully relaxed expression on her face. Eventually, Dani got up and got ready for the day.

When she came down to the kitchen, and found that there was food on the table and her mom seated there with a finished plate. 

“Morning Dani, wasn’t sure when either of you would be up so just help yourself. Is Jamie still asleep?”

“Morning, yeah she is.” Dani sat at the table, her hunger settled in. Dani pilled food onto her plate and her mom sat there reading the newspaper. “I- I was thinking of… visiting Amber. Maybe… see if she wanted to make the situation more permanent?”

Karen looked up at her daughter. “Yeah?”

Dani nodded. 

“Well, I don’t see why not. Iowa never really suited you, did it?”

“Not really.”

“She’s got that little girl right? I don’t believe I got around to giving away your old books and toys.”

“I can go through those, do you have a box?”

Soon Dani was going through stuff in her old room, when Jamie entered.

“Whatcha up to, Poppins?”

“Hey, just finding some stuff to give to L.J.”

“L.J?”

“Yeah, she’s the daughter of one of my close friend’s. I was hoping to visit them after we brought the car to the shop, and I also wanted to talk to her about something. And pick up some clothes I left behind.”

“Okay, sounds good. Need any help?”

“Can you pass me those books?”

“The complete poems of Emily Dickinson? How’d you get away with that one, Poppins?”

Dani felt the rush of heat rise in her cheeks. “Give me that.”

“You’ve bookmarked some pages?” Jamie opened up the book, the other pile now abandoned. “ _A love so big it scares her, rushing among her small heart- pushing aside her blood- and leaving her faint and white in the gusts’ arms…_ ” Jamie spoke in her most dramatic voice.

Dani giggled. “Alright, alright. Quit that so we can finish this.”

Jamie closed the book and went on to help Dani. Later, the girls went into the garage to get the car. Dani flicked on the lights.

Jamie whistled. “That’s a nice car.”

It was. It was a sleek blue Chevrolet Chevelle. Dust had clearly gathered on it and a few areas were a bit rusted, but it still looked like it had those years ago. 

“Well, you can drive it all you want as long as you learn to drive on the correct side of the road.”

Jamie scoffed. “It’s you Americans that drive on the wrong side of the road.”

Dani tossed Jamie the keys, and Jamie went to check out the car. Dani smiled when Jamie looked at her excited as the engine turned on. Dani opened the garage door so Jamie could back out. Dani went to the front yard as Jamie parked the car and exited the driver's seat. 

“I’ll grab the box. I think the car’s got enough gas for wherever that auto shop is. It’s not far right?” Jamie said.

“Yeah. Just like a three minute drive.”

“You girls got that thing working?” 

Dani turned to see her mom at the front door. 

“Sure did Mrs. Clayton!” Jamie said from behind her. 

“Call me Karen, dear,” Dani’s mom said before she headed back in. 

Jamie slid past her to grab the stuff they needed in the house. Dani remained there, as she took in the moment. How she had stood in the same place so many years ago, unhappy and trapped, as she searched for any sense of freedom. Now, she was free and happy. Finally. 

_ “So, is there anything wrong with it?” Dani asked. _

_ “I think you just need an oil change and I should check the battery. You said it hasn’t been used in several years?” Hayden said. He was leaning over the open hood of the car inspecting the gears and engine.  _

_ “Like about eight.” _

_ “Okay. I’ll probably need to take it to the shop before you go learning how to drive it.” _

_ “You don’t have to learn how to drive, Danielle. I could always drive you around,” Edmund said.  _

_ “I want to learn. Plus you can teach me Eddie.” _

_ “Okay,” Eddie said.  _

_ Dani looked up at him with a bright smile on her face. She pushed up the glasses on his face that had slid down when he looked at her.  _

_ “Danielle!” _

_ Dani spun around to see her mom.  _

_ “What on earth do you think you’re doing?” _

_ “I- I wanted to learn to drive. I’m old enough.” _

_ “Inside now.” _

_ Dani sighed and handed the car keys to Eddie trusting him to deal with the car and headed in.  _

_ “What makes you think you can use your father’s car?” _

_ “No one’s using it mom. It’s just sitting around in the garage. You can’t even use it.” _

_ Dani hated these moments the most. When her mom was in the process of getting drunk, where she acted like a present mother and tossed her opinions onto Dani. Then none of these opinions or ideas her mom had for her would carry through, forgotten in the daze of drunkenness not long after.  _

_ It was a cycle that never seemed to stop. Dani herself didn’t know how to stop it, she tried back in the early days. She quickly learned that hiding the alcohol led to her mother shouting at her, so Dani learned instead how to make herself scarce. Left early in the morning even though her school was a 10 minute walk away, then let after school activities eat up her time, and would babysit on weekends. Then there were high school parties. Dani didn’t enjoy being around people in such a small area where there was alcohol and loud music; but she still went because it meant getting to go home later. No matter how hard she tried to make herself busy and away from the house, there would still be the occasional day where all she had to do was school work. Those days, she’d indulge Eddie. She’d stay over for dinner, let him watch her work as they studied at his house. It was those moments of his lingering glance that made Dani almost sign up for another activity or club, but Dani knew she was already spreading herself thin at this point. So Dani sucked it up, as Eddie’s growing attraction to her became more obvious while her stomach would tug from how wrong it felt.  _

_ Then Dani would finally trudge up to her house, unlock the door, and her mom would be knocked out on the couch. In silence, Dani picked up the bottles, washed the dishes, and put a blanket over her mom.  _

_ She’d get ready for the night, secretly wishing that things were different. Night was the time where those questions, buried deep down during the day would surface just a bit. Like how her heart jumped when the girl at the bookstore smiled at her, or how she tried not to flinch when Eddie wrapped his arms around her. They way she wanted to drink till she forgot how out of place she felt surrounded by people her age that danced to screaming speakers, but also hated how the same thing took away her mom over the years.  _

_ Finally, Dani would sleep. Then she would wake. Then it would happen all over again. And again. Until it was all Dani really knew.  _

“You okay?” Jamie asked from the passenger seat. Dani had been a bit quiet after she strictly said she wasn’t going to let Jamie drive until she got a proper license, Jamie had grumbled in response but went to sit in the passenger seat. Dani was not going to let Jamie crash the car by accidentally driving on the wrong side of the road or not knowing the potentially different driving laws in America compared to Britain. 

“Yeah, better than yesterday.” Dani turned the car to where the auto shop was.

Dani realized that she recognized the person who waved for her to bring the car into the auto shop. She did her best to recall the face of the man with dirty blonde hair, as she and Jamie exited the car. 

“Dani Clayton?!” The man said.

“Hayden?” 

Hayden smiled as she recognized him. It shouldn’t have been much of a surprise. Hayden was the one who first helped Dani with the car when she wanted to learn how to drive back in high school. Now here he was again. 

He hugged her, and Dani was happy to reciprocate. Hayden was a good friend back then, it was nice seeing someone without any awkward tension hanging in the air like when she saw her mom or Judy. 

“What are you doing here? I thought you got out of this town?” Dani asked. Hayden was one of the few people in their class that successfully escaped Iowa to some out of state college. It was something Dani also wanted, it was nice having a friend who had the same ideas for after graduation. But Dani hadn’t been as lucky as Hayden.

“I did, got a business and engineering degree. Then got my own shop in San Francisco. I’m visiting for a while, dad had a surgery and is recovering right now. So I’m just taking over the shop for now.”

“That’s great for you Hayden.”

“What about you? I- I heard about Eddie. I’m really sorry. You two were engaged right?”

“Uh, yeah. It’s a long story. But I- uh went to London after. Just got back.” 

“Really? I couldn’t imagine; Dani Clayton in London.”

“I’ve got proof. This is Jamie. Jamie, Hayden he’s a friend from high school.” Dani turned to gesture at Jamie who had been watching their interaction. 

“Hi, nice to meet ya,” Jamie said, her hand outstretched.

Hayden shook her hand. “You too. So Dani managed to wrangle you over to America?”

Jamie laughed. “Apparently.”

“Me and Jamie are planning to do a road trip around America. Hence why we need to get the car checked,” Dani explained.

“Ah, I can help with that.” Hayden headed over to the car and lifted the hood. 

Dani looked at Jamie, who had a sly smirk on her face. Dani gave her a questioning look. 

“So, Hayden. Got any embarrassing stories of Dani?” Jamie asked.

“Jamie!” Dani shoved her lightly. 

Jamie laughed.

“I see we have company.”

The two women looked behind them to see a guy who just came in. Dani noticed he had a paper bag that probably had food and coffee on the other hand, from the logo Dani knew it was from the cafe down the street. 

“Girls, this is Quinn. Quinn, this is Dani and Jamie. Dani’s a friend from school,” Hayden said. 

“Hi,” Dani said.

“Hello,”Jamie said. 

There was an odd moment where Quinn looked Jamie up and down then at Dani, before he headed to put the food on the empty table Jamie stood by. Hayden didn’t notice, his focus was already on the car. 

“Do you two live here? Doesn’t seem like the place to be knowing how much Hayden complains about it,” Quinn asked.

“Oh, no. I used to. Just came here to get the car I left here,” Dani said.

“I’m just tagging along with this one.” Jamie pointed to Dani.

“All the way from Britain?”

“Yep. Dani got to explore my country, so I thought why not explore hers.”

Dani once again noticed that Quinn was staring at Jamie. Dani first felt annoyed, but then Dani took in the way Quinn stared at Jamie. It wasn’t the same as how Dani would remember men staring at her as if she was some object. No, Quinn looked at Jamie as if he was trying to figure her out. Dani didn’t really know how to feel about that.

“Are you a friend of Dorothy?” Quinn asked Jamie. 

A clang sounded. Dani turned her head to see that Hayden dropped one of his tools, his eyes were staring wide at Quinn. 

“What? I- I don’t know anyone named Dorothy,” Jamie said, confused. 

“No I mean, Dorothy’s fictional…” Quinn tried to phrase his words, but from the look on his face, it didn’t go the way he wanted.

“Like from the Wizard of Oz?” Dani asked.

“Oh, that movie with the song about a rainbow?” Jamie questioned. 

Dani’s attention now completely focused on Jamie. “You haven’t seen the Wizard of Oz?”

“No? Is that a problem, Poppins?”

“Yes! How do you know Mary Poppins but not the Wizard of Oz? It’s one of my favourites. I’m making you watch it.”

“I don’t get a say in this do I?”

“Nope.”

“How does any of this gotta do with me being a friend of Dorothy?” Jamie asked Quinn.

Quinn sighed. “I just… I was just trying to ask if you were queer.”

“Quinn!” Hayden said. “You can’t just ask people that.”

Quinn shrugged. “I tried asking her in a subtle way. Seems like friends of Dorothy is just an American thing.”

“Ah, so this friends of Dorothy is like, some sorta code for queer people?” Jamie asked. Quinn nodded. “You Yanks are weird.”

“Sorry about Quinn, he clearly doesn’t know about boundaries,” Hayden apologized. 

“Hey! I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t pretty sure I was right.”

“ _ Pretty _ sure.”

“You never know.” Quinn shrugged his shoulders.

“It’s no problem,” Jamie said. “I am gay anyways.”

“Ha! I knew it.”

Hayden rolled his eyes. “Whether you’re right or not, you still need to tone it down a bit, Quinn. We’re still here for another two weeks. It’s not like San Francisco, people aren’t as open.”

“And you need to be less ashamed of it.”

Dani saw the torn expression on Hayden’s face for the first time. It was something Dani was all too familiar with. She had that expression when she wanted to scream at the top of her lungs who she was, who she loved; but was at the same time afraid of all the words that would be thrown at her, like they had been yesterday. Then it clicked.

“Side effect of growing up here I believe,” Dani joked. “Something I find hard to do as well. But, um.” Dani looked at Jamie and intertwined their fingers. “I’ve been finding that it’s worth it. Don’t you think?” Dani looked at Hayden who had a surprised look on his face.

“Y- you.. You’re… huh.” Hayden chuckled. “Wow, one half of the school’s ‘it’ couple and the player, look at us now.

“Oh my god, right. Didn’t you date the entire cheerleading squad?”

“We don’t talk about that.”

Dani laughed. “No wonder we both wanted out of this town.”

“Not the place to figure out you’re gay is it?”

“Definitely not.”

“Should’ve brought you with me when I got out of here, rather than believe you changed your mind about leaving.”

“Nah, I don’t think I would’ve gone to London then. I wouldn’t have met Jamie.”

Jamie smiled at her and then kissed her hand. 

“I suggest, the four of us go on a double date sometime,” Quinn said as he wrapped his arm around Hayden’s waist. 

“That sounds fun,” Jamie said. 

Dani nodded in agreement. She found that maybe, returning to Iowa wasn’t as bad as she first thought. It wasn’t easy, but she felt like she could leave this town without the guilt and pain it gave her weighing heavily on her shoulders. For once, she could breathe in this godforsaken town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're continuing in Iowa for the next chapter from Jamie's persepective mainly cause I felt like this chapter was getting too long and I couldn't fit everything I had wanted to include.   
> Any prompts and ideas you'd like to see in future chapters are welcome, just write them in the comments below! Stay safe y'all and here's to a hopefully better new year!

**Author's Note:**

> Also yeah this chapter is pretty short, I have no clue how long most of them will be. It's just whatever will feel right to me I guess. For reference, chapter 2 is like 4,000 words. So you can look forward to that soon!  
> If y'all have some prompt ideas, list them in the comments and I'll see if I can work them in since I'm just going with the flow for this fic.


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